Exam

mid term`s going on

i DOnt understand

I  dont understand what do people
want from me?
when i have problems...
n i tell people
they say i want attention?
but then when  i keep my problems to myself
all they say is
zi knapa potong tangan lg?
or zi ok x,ctala..
or zi jgnla g pototng tangan,citala prob ko kat kita...
but i when i tell them,
all they`re gonna say is zi nak attention
do i want that?
well,i dont!
i rather keep my problems to myself
i really wanna know what people wants from me...
i dont understand

how i feel

what do u do,

when all u want,,

is to feel alive,

to be loved,

to feel like u belong,

i didnt know what to do

but in the end i found a way to let it all out :(

its about me,

doesnt to know to live my life without pain,

without hate,without distrust,without anger,without lies,

this is about me!

to say:

i hurt myself,

nearly everyday,

i just want to be normal,

but it seems that i`ll never be

there`s to much pain that time cannot erase,

to survive i ,

cut and scratch myself,

unable to control the pain in my life,

i cant forget,the words u said,

the things u did, the look in your eyes,

the pain u made me feel

i feel worthless,

i feel hurt,angry,alone,used, lost and so much more,

i am bad,

i am just everything i hate

who cares anyway?

i hate that i just cant trust anyone

not even myself...:(

i hate being afraid,

that im just gonna lose another person....

i hate my body,

i hate ME,

everything feels wrong,

and i have to punish myself for all my mistakes,

i feel like crap that i cant wash away,

can only try cut it out,

and this works,

at least for a while,

im caged inside

and im tired of it,

and sometimes i just wont do anything else but QUIT

i hide my sadness by the fake smiles that i put on every single day

Im not seeking attetion,

i do it because

i wanna die,

to be able to breath again,

to ease my mind from all the thoughts

memories and everything i cant let go of....

my confessions

dear readers,

i guesss one thing life has thought me

is

that people can`t be trusted...

i`ve lost a lot people in my life...

people come and go,

but i just wish that sometimes they would stay...

i may have been smilling all this time

but on the inside

everything has holes and everything is broken...

i have problems,

i look for my friends...

and in the end they just turn around and say

xzie is just seeking attention

why?

friends say that when u have problems

go to them

but what for because in the end

thats what their gonna say to u

after that incident i`ve learnt that

nobody can be trusted and that

its better that i keep

my problems to myslef than to share it with people

the conclusion is

im lonely and my life sucks!

if u think that my judgement is wrong than i apologize...